When MTV exhumed the Headbanger’s Ball and reanimated
it, a small cry rose from the masses. Those of you who remember
watching the show every Saturday night with religious zealotry knew
something was missing from your life, but in between reruns of “Punk‘d,”
“Room Raiders,” “The Real World-Casper, Wyoming,” and “Road Rules,”
you probably were so mentally fatigued that you couldn‘t understand
that you were feeling bereft.
Bereft for real music.
And then the improbable happened. MTV, who only plays
videos by bands who are already best sellers, an entity which has
wholeheartedly embraced its role of perpetuating the success of
talentless and vacuous (but pretty!) musicians, brought back The
Ball. (Of course, it had to be on MTV2, which is sort of like settling
for Panburger Partner when you really want Hamburger Helper, but
beggars, choosers, you know the bit …)
But it didn’t matter, because The Headbanger’s Ball
was back!
Too bad it sucks.
The original Headbanger’s Ball caught flack from the
heaviest of their fans for playing bands like Firehouse and Trixter,
and fans of those bands turned the channel away when Testament and
Overkill (hello from the gutter!) stormed the screen. But there
was enough metal to make any metalhead happy. It was a success,
because it helped promote bands with real talent, bands that weren’t
going to make one CD and then go away. For all the one-hit wonders
they played, an admirable percentage of those bands are still making
music today, a decade post-facto.
The “new” Headbanger’s Ball is not going to play any
band with staying power, and it sure as hell isn’t going to play
any band with real talent, unless they announce the video by saying
“this is a classic Headbanger’s Ball band” and play Iron Maiden.
Because MTV only knows how to cater to what’s hip,
what’s hot, and what’s horrible. Therefore, when you sit down to
watch The Ball and hope against hope that you’ll see a new Tesla
video, or TNT, or Dream Theater, or anything actually worth listening
to, they bludgeon you with an array of bands that are completely
indecipherable from one another, that play at one speed, and that
bark their vocals in a comedic “evil voice.”
Lamb of God? Mastadon? God Forbid? Hatebreed? Unearth?
Is this actually music?
But the problem really isn’t with playing these types
of bands. This kind of metal obviously has an audience, because
there seems to a lot of pissed off 18-22 year old men in this country,
and this world. But as soon as they starting getting laid on a regular
basis, well, there goes the fan base. This kind of music can be
“cool,” though; you can’t sit through a Cradle of Filth video and
be assaulted visually and aurally without being hypnotized by their
creation.
After seeing and listening to 10 bands that sound
exactly the same in a row, though, you aren’t just going to change
your mind. You’ll change the channel. People that love metal, that
yearn for it, that lust for it, won’t stay tuned to The Headbanger’s
Ball.
It’s actually painful to watch.
Hatebreed’s lead barker Jamey Jasta brings the kind
of “street cred” MTV probably thought they had to have in a host.
He has ties with all of the other bands in his band’s genre, they
are all friends, and you can tell he thoroughly enjoys the gig.
Good for him. Iann Robinson left the belly of the beast before he
could have steered this ship in the right direction, though, and
looks like we are all paying for it. Who wouldn’t love to see a
Fireball Ministry video?
The thing about Hatebreed, Lamb of God, all of the
other bands that mirror each other in disharmony and speed, though
-- you either like them, or you don’t. The first time you hear death
vocals, it’s black and white. So there is no crossover effect here.
It won’t be like when a Slaughter fan saw Metallica’s video for
“One” and just ran out and bought the CD. The bands are all too
similar, and they all use death vocals. So if you don’t like that
type of singing, you won’t even like one band The Ball plays.
Is there a reason to stay tuned in? No. Tuned out,
definitely.
There are probably a lot of people who tune into it
every week hoping to see something new. They do play Lacuna Coil
and Evanescence on occasion, usually back to back, because the programmer
found two bands that sound the same again. Way to go, Sparky; it’s
a tough job.
In case MTV isn’t paying attention, bands that were
big on the original Headbanger’s Ball are releasing quality melodic
metal and hard rock today. The aforementioned TNT and Tesla have
released new albums to rave reviews, and the list goes on and on
with ‘80s and ‘90s bands still churning out quality music: Dokken,
Kevin DuBrow, Helix, Metallica, The Scorpions, W.A.S.P., Udo, Aerosmith,
Skid Row, Queensryche, Motorhead, Anthrax, Exodus, Dio, David Lee
Roth, Nuclear Assault, Krokus, Europe, etc.
Do you honestly believe that Lamb of God will be around
in 10 years, still making music? Would they even want to be? Could
anyone play that type of music for that length of time, besides
Deicide?
To tell the truth, MTV might be partially to blame
for this recent resurgence in “nostalgia” or whatever you want to
call it for bands like Poison, Great White, Dokken and Cinderella.
Even the Stage Dolls just released another new CD, and if it’s close
to as good as their prior releases, then it’s well worth hearing.
For some reason, during the time Nirvana came around, consumers
just quit backing their bands, buying their music, and metal went
away. But the only place to ever get new metal was MTV, thus the
conundrum. Today, MTV only shows 76 different hip hop and reality
shows, so people are once again craving metal. While MTV could have
taken the reigns and been innovative, they instead catered to the
lowest common denominator, as they do with all their programming,
and their viewers are just force fed schlock.
Don’t be surprised when it gets cancelled, again.
The sad thing is, The Headbanger’s Ball was the perfect
venue for discovering new bands. Do you remember the first time
you saw the video to “Welcome to the Jungle?” Newer bands like TNA,
who have released an excellent hard rock CD called Branded
and have two videos ready to roll, would have had a chance to be
aired. The problem is, their singer actually sings, so they have
zero chance of getting on The Ball now.
Luckily, the Internet plays a more prevalent roll
in how we find out music today. We can listen to a billion different
Internet metal stations, and find out who the artist is, go and
buy (or download) them immediately, and boom!, new music. But nothing
really compares to sitting in front of your TV and watching the
videos from the music you love.
It’s something we all are going to have to keep on
missing.
Agree? Disagree? Let me know email
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