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H R H - R E V I E W S
Big Cock
Comments: "Viagra as an audio suppository" would be an apropos description of the music made by the maniacs in Big Cock, the self-proclaimed "hardest band in the land." Adjectives like "cocksure" may not be strong enough to define the band's attitude, but since it has "cock" in it, that will do for now. Their debut, Year of the Cock, was one of the biggest and welcomed surprises of 2005, and they didn't waste any time shooting their wad on their new self-titled CD, which was released July 4. If you don't know the players in Big Cock, you'll remember the talented voice of Robert Mason from his time in Lynch Mob, and the main songwriter/guitarist David Henzerling of King Kobra and Keel fame. Mason wields one of the best rock voices out there, period. He'll probably tell you so, too, by the way the CD begins. Mason cocks off by saying, "So fuck the rest, you want the best … I am the Second Coming!" Big Cock's debut was chock full of fast and melodic rockers, and that's how their sophomore effort starts. "Fucked Up!" is fast as hell, catchy with memorable and funny lyrics, and Mason laughs at you with his range, since you won't be able to sing along. The lyrics are what'd you expect as well: "I'm the Master of Disaster, I'm a mother-fuckin' bastard. Can't get enough-I'm getting fucked up!" Henzerling plays a brief but wicked solo at the end, something you will start missing as the CD continues. Their first single is "Real Man," a more pop-friendly composition. Henzerling knows how to write a strong hook, and the band brings his raunchy visions to life time after time. Their single-entendres will make you laugh all the way through, as in this stanza: "You've got the fruit and I've got the juice. I'll shoot you right through the roof." The surprise on the CD teabags you when they cover Tom Jones' hit "She's A Lady." It's a surprising cover, because they stay fairly true to the original, but if you think you can out-sex Tom Jones, you are wrong, which is why they paid homage and took it no further. This could and should be the song that breaks Big Cock into the mainstream. If they make a video for this song and get Tom Jones in it, you'll see it go #1 on every video countdown in the country. The following song sounds excessively like an older Guns N' Roses song. It's got a punk vibe, and when Mason yells, "It's so fucking easy!" you'll just have to think of Axl and gang. That's not necessarily a bad thing. Big Cock shines with their faux-earnestness on ballads, and the first one on this CD is "Every Inch of My Love." How they can play this song live and not laugh uncontrollably is a testament to their professionalism and/or alcohol consumption. "A little pain at first, but the pleasure wins. So open up your love baby and let me in." Mason croons with real passion as he delivers the lines, and that's part of the fun. "Scottsdale Girls" turns into a Beach Boys-type song, with two-part harmonies and toned down singing from Mason. The Beach Boys probably wouldn't sing, "Scottsdale girls, you're the horniest girls in the world," though. If you didn't understand these dudes have a sense of humor, the CD closes with an acoustic country song, "Let's Make Love." Mason puts a Southern-drawl to his voice, and makes it crack on cue like all those whiny-ass country pissants (hi Kenny Chesney) do so horribly well. You know those commercials where one side-effect of using the erectile dysfunction drug is "an erection for longer than six hours?" Big Cock's music is constantly in that side-effect state. There's no reason why you wouldn't want this Big Cock in your life. Track
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